How to be more mindful and eliminate your evil elf
A few weeks ago I wrote a post about self-love and compassion. For those who have not read it can consult on the link below.
After writing the publication and, realizing that I still have difficulties putting into practice some of the tips I mentioned in the publication, decide to make this video where I will talk:
- my difficulties in practising self-love and self-compassion
- concrete examples and methods I use
I asked you a few questions on Instagram to see your difficulties and also to understand what you do today to practice self-love.
The idea here is to share how we can improve so that we can evolve together.
You can see below the 1st question and the reply ratio for each option.
Which option suits you best regarding practice of self-love and self-compassion:
- Don’t know what to do — 70%
- I know what to do, but I don’t have time — 20%
- I know what to do, but is not my priority — 5%
- I don’t need to practice self-love — 5%
The first two options are actually the same because if you really considered it a priority you would make time for it. One day has 24 hours for everyone, whether we are poor, rich, unemployed, employed, etc.
25% of you know what you have to do but do not have time, 70% do not know what to do and 5% consider that it is not necessary. This publication can be useful for the 95% who responded:
- You know what to do, but it’s not a priority / they don’t have time (I’ll give you practical examples that will help you understand the importance and techniques that don’t mean investing a lot of time)
- You don’t know what to do
I divided the 8 tips in two because 4 of them are the ones that will help you to control the bad moments and the other 4 are more directed to improve the good moments.
Minimize the bad moments
We will all have less good times throughout life, the difference is how we deal with them, whether we see them as challenges or obstacles, as defeats or learning. Even if you are a person that you see as obstacles or as defeats, this does not mean that you cannot start working so that you change your mindset to diverge from these thoughts.
We should value less the talent and more the effort and the mentality of the people who strive and work to be better every day.
I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan
I confess that the point that I thought people had more difficulties was to avoid comparing myself with other people due to all the social networks and the amount of time we spend on them. However, most responded that the point that they feel the most difficulties is Tip 2: control the evil goblin. This point is very much related to Tip 4: learn to forgive me “so I will talk a little about both.
Which of the following tips you consider is harder to do:
- Tip 2: Control your bad elf — 30%
- Tip 4: Learn to forgive yourself — 23%
- Tip 6: Avoid comparing yourself with others — 23%
- Tip 7: Don’t bother on what the others think of you — 23%
Why should you control?
One of my 2021 resolutions was to practice more self-love. I remember we were on the beach, and they asked me “What do you want to differ in 2021, what do you want to improve?” The answer was almost obvious, at a time when you start something entirely different it is critical to accept that you are going to fail and when that happens you have to forgive yourself and not let your evil elf tell you that you should not try again.
This allowed me not to be so afraid of failing because we all fail, the question is whether we know how to deal with the possibility (or even certainty) that we will fail (at least the first time we try) and how we cope when it happens.
If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate. Thomas J. Watson
5 steps to control the evil elf
- Recognize when you have negative thoughts.
- Identify why you have those thoughts. These can come from fears, insecurities, uncertainty, envy, etc.
- Review the thought
- Explain to your evil goblin and yourself why he has no reason. Imagine that you speak to an imaginary friend (perhaps speak only in your head and do not verbalize so that people do not think they are foolish).
- Choose your good elf.
Insecurity example
After changing my first job, where I was for about 4 years, I started a new job that although both were in the automotive sector were entirely different functions. On the first one, I was a supplier, in another I was a customer. One was in quality in mass production, in another I was in purchasing to support suppliers in the design phase. Hearing this, it seems obvious that I would have some difficulties initially. Starting the new job and when I started to see the complexity of the job because I had to understand different areas, interact with them and, I was in a panic and my bad pixie started saying “maybe you shouldn’t have changed, this is too complex for you”. — RECOGNIZE.
This originated due to an insecurity in the face of my abilities and because I am used to getting along easily in my old job — IDENTIFY.
Here begins the part where you have to be sceptical and try to think more with your head and less with your heart. Initially, whenever I was in training or visiting suppliers with my boss, I refrained from asking questions because I believed they might not make sense. Then, more than once, I realized that the doubts I didn’t clear were later asked by someone else or even by my boss. Here my bad goblin would say “you are idiotic, you didn’t ask and now someone did it for you, your boss will judge that you are sleeping”. My good elf would say “You see your questions make sense, maybe you could start asking more questions, you would certainly learn something when you ask them, even if it was because the question didn’t make sense” — REVIEW.
Now being pragmatic, on the one hand I have a bad goblin who says you did something bad and gives you no solution for the future, that is, you only have to lose with his comment, now the good goblin says something to you encourages but that you can improve and how you can do it, here you are happy, and you can improve in the future — EXPLAIN.
Now that you have put your problem practically it is easy to understand which elf you have to choose. I told myself that the next one would ask at least one question (it is preferable to define baby steps) — CHOOSE.
Envy example
Now I’m going to give you another personal example, but I’m more ashamed of having it, but I think it’s important to share because it’s something that, I believe, can happen to more people.
A few weeks ago, I saw an interview with a person who was doing something identical to what I want to do. Here I started to feel jealous because that person had already achieved some success that were mainly due to fear and insecurity of not being able to get there either — RECOGNIZE and IDENTIFY.
Factors I knew: the person was older than me, and could have started working on this years ago. Besides, I had no idea of the person’s journey, the hours he put into his career, the sacrifices he could have made for him, … — REVIEW.
Here what I did to explain to my bad elf really and choose my good elf, was to do something that I had already proven to myself that with effort you can improve, for me, this is CrossFit — EXPLAIN and CHOOSE.
You can listen to a motivational video, listen to music that cheers you up, meditation, etc. Here what I can tell you are when you are in this situation try one of these and see which one works for you, be it dancing, singing, training, taking a step back and seeing what you have already achieved, …
Uncertainty
When I changed my job, I also changed my home, country, habits, CrossFit, etc. It is easy to expect to be afraid in these situations, after all, thousands of years ago, uncertainty meant lack of food for example. Even our body is programmed to always maintain balance (a process called homeostasis) which is because we sweat, it is our body’s way of lowering our body temperature to what it considers normal when we exercise (and it naturally increases). However, we can see changes with fear for uncertainty or excitement for the challenge. The mechanisms that go on inside your body are the same when you feel excitement and fear (the hormone cortisol increases, you can perspire, chest tightness, …) the difference is the way your brain responds to one and the other.
When you decide to change and start to get scared (RECOGNIZE and IDENTIFY) think about what you can gain from the decision you made, whatever you will learn, the money you will be able to earn, the people you may know, etc. (REVIEW and EXPLAIN). And after that, congratulate yourself for embarking on a new challenge (CHOOSE).
Tip: To do these thoughts, you can do it inside your head or write on your phone, or on paper. The choice part is preferable to write somewhere because it is a way of committing yourself that you will choose your good elf the next time you have a similar situation.
Book I advise you to read:
- Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck
- The art of mental training by D. C. Gonzalez
Maximize the good moments
Another question I asked you was regarding the construction and use of good times and what points do you feel have the most difficulties.
The answer with the highest percentage was “Be more present”.
Which of the following tips you consider is harder to do:
- Tip 1: Be more present (be mindful) — 33%
- Tip 3: Build healthy habits— 26%
- Tip 5: Find the meaning in life — 30%
- Tip 8: Surround yourself with good friends— 9%
- Identify: What are the things you constantly think about when you don’t do them? Is something from the past? Concerns about the future?
Past:
2. What is it? What do you feel? Write on paper
3. What did you learn? Write ahead because you still think about it and what you learned from it.
4. Save the paper. Each time you start thinking about this point, review this paper.
Reflecting on what concerns you and what you have learned from this will help you to clear your head on that particular subject.
Future:
2. What is it? What do you feel? Write on paper what worries you.
3. Plan: Is it a task that you have to do? If it is divided into small tasks, define the one you have to do first and plan the resources you need and define when you are going to do it.
Is it a concern with a new job? Is it a concern about the uncertainty of the future? Go back to the beginning of the post and review the steps for this.
3. Put it on the agenda
As there were no considerable differences to the options chosen, I decided to recommend some books and / or posts that can help you.
Tip 3: Build healthy habits
Tip 5: Find the meaning in life
- Man’s search for a meaning by Viktor Frankl
- Start with why by Simon Sinek
Tip 8: Surround yourself with good friends
- 12 Rules for life by Jordan Peterson
Final Thoughts
Of the 8 Tips I mention to increase love and compassion, I chose two (according to some questions I asked you) to elaborate practically my difficulties and what I try to do every time I have negative thoughts.
For Tip 2: Control your bad elf, I have indicated 5 steps to follow when you are having negative thoughts.
For Tip 1: Be more present (be mindful), I have defined 4 steps that you can use to help you be more focused on the present.
You just read another post from Mafalda Lima | SuperUS: a health and fitness blog dedicated to sharing knowledge to make you become the best version of yourself.
