Do social relationships make us happier?
In this post I talk about self-love and self-compassion, its importance and how we can practice. If it is so important to be able to do this to improve our lives, is it so important to share some of this love with others?
How many of us have complained about something we don’t like? How many of us have praised any product or service? Do we complain more than we praise?
A US study, American Express Survey, found that on average one person satisfied with a product or service will share it with 9 people and an unsatisfied person will share it with 16 people.
“On average, an individual will tell 9 people about good experiences, and 16 people about poor ones.” — American Express Survey
Why should we give more compliment?
This study concluded that people with more motivation, with memories and behaviours of acts of kindness are happier. He also concluded that just thinking about acts of kindness that you have done in the past makes you happier.
“Thus, our results suggest that happy people are more kind in the first place and that they can become even happier, kinder and more grateful following a simple intervention.”
This study did a funny experiment where they gave $5 or $20 to people, where it would have to be spent on a gift for themselves or as a gift for someone else. The expectation was that people would be happier with the $20 instead of the $5 and that they would be happier to spend on something for themselves. The result diverged from this and concluded that people were happier when they spent the money for a gift and were not happier to be $20 compared to $5.
“… participants who were randomly assigned to spend money on others experienced greater happiness than those assigned to spend money on themselves.”
This study, aimed to confirm the previous study, but now with a group of people whose $5 or $20 would be a lot of money. For example, in Uganda, people continued to be happier when they spent money on other people.
Now a personal story, the initial photo of this publication was taken in 2019 at Brussels airport, I was alone, on a business trip. I went to Starbucks to get a coffee, they usually ask you for your name, so they can call you when you are ready (when I am abroad I always say “Maria” which is my second name because it is easier to pronounce). When I received my coffee, I had this message on the cup wishing you a good day. It could even be that the employee was writing that to many people, but regardless, I immediately got a smile on my face. What could seem like a simple gesture like “Wishing a good day”, immediately made my day happier.
Thinking, doing and remembering acts of kindness towards others makes us happier.
IN PRACTISE:
- Don’t be afraid to say you like something. As embarrassing as it may seem, both you and the person who will receive the compliment will be happier.
- Practice acts of kindness, I don’t mean just giving money to charity, but sharing on social media a product that you believe is good, saying that you liked a certain product or service, offering someone an unexpected souvenir.
Why should we nurture our personal relationships?
One of the longest studies in history is the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which started more than 80 years ago starting with 724 boys, and has followed them throughout your life. This study is still ongoing, now going into the second generation. There are 3 major conclusions that have been drawn from the study so far:
1. Social relationships are good for us
2. It is not just the quantity of friendships, but also the quality.
3. Good relationships not only protect the body, but also our brains.
Here, you can see Robert Waldinger, who was the director of the study in 2016 talking about the conclusions of this study.
Have you ever thought that whenever you have a hard time, the only place where you have no negative thoughts is when you are with friends? Well, to me already, if in adolescence whenever I got upset with my boyfriend, I listened to romantic songs of those same sad ones, after a few years I started to be more intelligent and started to be with friends. Even if it is not to talk about the problem, when they are good friends, they can always make you feel better. Why not foster good friendships always, and not just when we have problems?
Social relationships are good for keeping us happier and healthier.
Several studies show the happiness of maintaining good social relationships.
For example, this study, which looked at the relationship of relationships and illness, concluded that people with close personal relationships are:
- Less vulnerable to premature deaths
- Most likely to survive fatal diseases
- Less likely to suffer in stressful situations.
A study by Epley and Schroeder, where they measured the happiness of people who had to talk to a stranger on the bus and then also measured the happiness of the person they spoke to. The study concluded that both were happier when compared to the group that did not speak to anyone.
In the 2014 summer holidays I went to Barcelona with my boyfriend. He had to work during the day, which meant that my trips to get to know the city were done on my own. At the time, I said I liked being alone and that I had no problem doing it, which was true. The day I went to visit Park Güell, I was alone like all my last days of walking and a random group of people came to my side and asked if I was alone, to which I answered yes, and then asked me if I liked it to visit the park with them, to which I also answered yes. What might seem embarrassing at first, became a very pleasant afternoon and early afternoon. I met a group of people from several countries in Europe and today, after more than 6 years, it is something that still makes me smile.
Talking to strangers makes us happy. Even if you think it might be embarrassing, both you and the stranger will have an impulse of happiness.
Finally, this study looked at how people evaluate an experience when it is shared or not with someone. The researchers asked a group of people in an art museum to eat a chocolate while another was also eating chocolate or to eat chocolate when the other person was simply enjoying the pictures. When they both ate the chocolate at the same time, even though people did not know each other, the perception of the taste and liking of the chocolate was greater.
An experience when shared enhances it.
Seeing the surrounding people practising acts of kindness is contagious, this is called moral uplift. This is defined as the emotional response to seeing acts of kindness done by others.
“Moral elevation is the emotional response to witnessing virtuous acts of others.” Algoe and Haidt, 2009
“Witnessing and interacting with excellent individuals can create opportunities for enrichment of the self and society. Inspiring leaders, caring benefactors, and selfless saints do more than draw praise from emotionally-responsive witnesses; these exemplary others inspire people to improve themselves, their behavior, and their relationships.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if the whole world was a little kinder?
Acts of kindness are contagious.
IN PRACTISE:
- Cherish your friendships, don’t wait for others to make an appointment, call or send a message. The friendship relationship needs to be fostered by the two people.
- Learn to listen
- Do not pick up the phone when you are with your friends, family or partner.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Summing up:
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